Class
Theme: Reconnecting with Your Core Values
Understanding Core Values and Their Importance
In this class, we will:
- Discuss what ‘core values’ are and why they’re essential in healing from narcissistic abuse.
- Explore various examples of core values and how they influence our actions and decisions.
- Begin to identify what our personal core values might be.
Materials needed: Any form of note-taking tool you prefer, like a notebook, loose paper, or a computer.
Step 1: Define Core Values in Context of Self
Take some time to define ‘core values’ in your own words. Think about them as guiding principles that dictate behavior and help determine what is truly meaningful and important to you. They are deeply held beliefs that form the foundation of your identity and inform your attitudes, actions, and decisions.
Why should you do this?
Defining core values in your own terms is essential in understanding their role in your healing process from narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse often undermines your sense of self and distorts your perception of your own values. Having a clear, personal understanding of what core values are can be a crucial step in rebuilding your identity, enhancing self-awareness, and fostering resilience in the face of past and future challenges.
Step 2: Exploring Examples of Core Values
Research and make a list of common core values such as respect, honesty, integrity, compassion, or autonomy. For each one, write down how it might influence someone’s actions or decisions. For example, someone who values honesty might always tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult.
Why should you do this?
By exploring how different core values can influence actions and decisions, you’re gaining insight into how your own values might be guiding your behavior. Understanding this link is vital when recovering from narcissistic abuse, as it helps you to distinguish your authentic values and behaviors from those that may have been manipulated or suppressed by the abuser. It empowers you to regain control over your actions and decisions and realign them with your true values.
Step 3: Beginning to Identify Your Core Values
Reflect on a few events in your life that brought you genuine happiness, satisfaction, or a sense of pride. What were you doing? Who were you with? Why did these experiences feel so rewarding? Attempt to find the underlying values that these events reflected. At this point, you don’t need to be specific or comprehensive; just start contemplating what matters most to you.
Why should you do this?
Reflecting on your positive experiences and the values they reflect is an initial step towards identifying your personal core values. These values are often deeply tied to your sense of self, fulfillment, and well-being. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, reconnecting with your personal values is an empowering part of healing, helping to restore your identity and guide your decisions and actions moving forward.
Identifying Your Personal Core Values
In this class, we will:
- Work on identifying our personal core values.
- Reflect on how our values might have been compromised or suppressed in past abusive relationships.
- Start documenting these identified values for future reference.
Materials needed: Your notes from Day 1 and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Identifying Your Personal Core Values
After yesterday’s exercise, you should have a list of values that resonate with you. Today, let’s go deeper. Take each value and ask yourself the following questions: Why is this value important to me? How does this value influence my actions, decisions, and relationships when it is upheld?
Why should you do this?
By answering these questions for each of the values, you are identifying and articulating your personal core values. These values are essential aspects of your identity and understanding them will help foster self-awareness and self-esteem, elements often eroded in abusive relationships.
Step 2: Reflect on Past Relationships
Think about your past abusive relationships. Can you recall instances where your core values were compromised or suppressed? Perhaps you value honesty, but you frequently found yourself lying to keep the peace. Maybe you value independence, but you felt controlled and dependent on your abuser. Document these instances alongside the associated core values.
Why should you do this?
Reflecting on past relationships and how your core values were compromised gives you insight into the dynamics of the abusive relationship. It also helps you understand the strategies used by the abuser to control and manipulate you. This understanding is essential for your healing journey as it helps you to recognize and respond to similar situations in the future, protecting your core values.
Step 3: Document Your Identified Values
In a journal or other safe place, make a list of your core values that you identified and the instances from your past relationships where these were compromised. Next to each instance, write down how you felt when your values were suppressed and how it might have influenced your actions and behavior.
Why should you do this?
Documenting your core values and the associated feelings and behaviors when these values were compromised provides you with a reference point that can be instrumental in your healing journey. It will serve as a tool for self-reflection, empowering you to recognize when your values are being respected or compromised, which can guide your actions and decisions in future relationships.
Understanding the Disconnect from Your Core Values
During this class, we will:
- Analyze how narcissistic abuse may have caused a disconnect from our core values.
- Discuss the impacts of this disconnect on our lives and well-being.
- Record our thoughts and reflections in our ongoing notes.
Materials needed: Your notes from the previous sessions and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Analyzing the Disconnect
With the list of core values and instances where they were compromised from Day 2, reflect upon how the narcissistic abuse specifically led to a disconnect from each value. For example, if one of your core values was autonomy, how did the narcissist undermine this value? Perhaps they made decisions for you, belittled your choices, or made you overly dependent on them. Document your analysis in as much detail as possible.
Why should you do this?
This step allows you to understand the tactics used by the narcissist to sever your connection with your core values. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for your recovery as it can help you guard against similar manipulations in the future.
Step 2: Discussing the Impacts
Once you’ve analyzed how the abuse caused a disconnect from your core values, take some time to discuss with yourself the effects of this disconnect. Reflect on how it impacted your self-esteem, your relationships, your mental and emotional health, and your general life satisfaction. Write down your thoughts and feelings.
Why should you do this?
Understanding the real-life implications of the disconnect from your core values helps to quantify the extent of the emotional harm you experienced. This can validate your experiences and feelings, boost your resolve to heal and change, and reinforce the importance of upholding your core values in the future.
Step 3: Recording Your Reflections
Using your journal or notes, record your detailed analysis from step 1 and your reflections on the impacts from step 2. Be sure to include your thoughts and feelings to ensure a comprehensive reflection.
Why should you do this?
Documenting your reflections is an essential part of the healing process as it provides a tangible track of your progress and evolution. It reinforces the insights you’ve gained, promotes self-awareness, and can serve as a guidepost for maintaining your core values in future interactions and relationships.
Realigning Actions with Core Values
Our tasks for this class include:
- Learn how to start realigning our actions and decisions with our core values.
- Discuss the challenges that might arise during this process.
- Update our notes with personal action steps for realignment with each core value.
Materials needed: Your notes from the previous sessions and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Detailed Examination of Current Actions and Decisions
For this first step, divide a sheet of paper (or a page in your journal) into two columns. Label the first column “Core Values” and list your identified core values from previous exercises. Label the second column “Current Actions and Decisions” and, next to each value, list specific actions or decisions you’ve made recently that align or misalign with each value.
Why should you do this?
By systematically evaluating your current behavior in relation to each core value, you can precisely identify where your actions and decisions do not yet align with your values. This helps you understand your behavior patterns and the degree to which they reflect your core values. It’s the first step to realigning your actions and decisions with what matters most to you.
Step 2: Detailed Identification of Challenges to Realignment
In this step, create another two-column chart. In the first column, copy over the core values where you’ve identified discrepancies between the value and your current actions/decisions. In the second column, labeled “Challenges to Realignment,” write down all the potential internal and external obstacles that might make it difficult for you to act more in line with each core value.
Why should you do this?
This step helps you foresee potential roadblocks to your realignment effort. It empowers you to be proactive about these challenges, to make plans to address them, and to understand better the dynamics that might have contributed to the misalignment in the first place.
Step 3: Detailed Development of Personal Action Steps
Create one more two-column chart. Again, copy over the core values where you’ve identified discrepancies. For each value, in the second column, write down at least one concrete, realistic action that you can start implementing to better align your actions and decisions with each core value. Make these actions as specific, measurable, and time-bound as possible.
Why should you do this?
Developing clear, actionable steps transforms your intent to realign your actions and decisions with your core values into a practical plan. It helps make the process of realignment more manageable by breaking it down into small, achievable actions. This approach can boost your confidence and motivation as you begin to see progress.
Click here to visit the S.M.A.R.T Goals page.
Step 4: Detailed Updating of Your Notes
Finally, update your journal or notes with all the detailed information and insights you’ve gained today. You might want to dedicate a new page or section for each core value, so there’s plenty of space for your analysis of current actions and decisions, the challenges you anticipate, and the steps you plan to take. Remember to include your feelings and reflections throughout this process.
Why should you do this?
Recording these details creates a comprehensive reference guide for your journey to realign your actions and decisions with your core values. This record will help you monitor your progress, adjust your plan as needed, and see how far you’ve come over time. It will serve as a tangible reminder of your commitment to live in accordance with your core values, supporting your ongoing healing and growth after narcissistic abuse.
Creating Your Personal Core Values Reconnection Plan
During this class, we’re going to:
- Build our personal core values reconnection plan.
- Reflect on the week and discuss our plans.
- Celebrate the progress we’ve made towards reconnecting with our core values.
Materials needed: Your notes from the previous sessions and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Create Your Personal Core Values Reconnection Plan
Using all the information, reflections, and insights gathered over the past few days, begin to outline a comprehensive plan for reconnecting with each of your core values. This should be done separately for each value and should include:
- Specific Actions: What specific behaviors or actions will you take to align your life more closely with this value? These should be precise, measurable, and time-bound actions.
- Addressing Challenges: Outline your strategy for dealing with the internal and external challenges you identified in Day 4. How will you approach them? What resources will you use?
- Timeframe and Frequency: When will you start taking these actions? How frequently will you do so?
- Progress Tracking: How will you monitor your progress? Consider a weekly or monthly review of your actions in relation to your core values.
Why should you do this?
An in-depth, concrete plan transforms the concept of ‘living by your core values’ into achievable, practical actions. It empowers you to take control over your healing process, providing a clear roadmap that leads to a life more closely aligned with your values.
Step 2: Detailed Reflection on the Week
Once your plan is outlined, dedicate time to reflect on the entire week’s work. This reflection should include:
- Your feelings and thoughts throughout the week: Did you experience any emotional shifts? Were there any surprises about what you discovered?
- Learning about yourself and your values: What new insights did you gain about your values and their role in your life?
- Evaluation of your plan: How do you feel about the reconnection plan you’ve developed? Does it resonate with you and seem feasible?
- Looking forward: How do you plan to implement these changes in your daily life?
Why should you do this?
Reflection is key to consolidating your insights and recognizing the progress you’ve made. It helps you understand your emotions and thought processes, learn from them, and prepare for the journey ahead. It also allows you to adjust your plan, making it as effective and personally resonant as possible.
Step 3: Celebrate Your Progress in Detail
In recognizing your hard work and dedication, choose a specific way to celebrate your progress. This could involve:
- Personal Treats: You might want to buy yourself something you’ve been wanting or indulge in a favorite meal.
- Self-Reflection and Affirmation: Write a letter to yourself, highlighting your achievements and expressing pride in your progress.
- Quality Time: Spend some time doing something you love. This could be a favorite hobby, watching a movie, reading a book, or just relaxing.
- Physical Symbol: You might want to create or buy something that symbolizes your progress, like a piece of jewelry or a small token, which you can keep as a constant reminder of your journey.
Why should you do this?
Celebrating your progress reinforces the positive steps you’ve taken and boosts your motivation to continue. It’s a form of self-care and self-compassion, reminding you that you’re worthy of acknowledgment and celebration.
Understanding Core Values and Their Importance
In this class, we will:
- Discuss what ‘core values’ are and why they’re essential in healing from narcissistic abuse.
- Explore various examples of core values and how they influence our actions and decisions.
- Begin to identify what our personal core values might be.
Materials needed: Any form of note-taking tool you prefer, like a notebook, loose paper, or a computer.
Step 1: Define Core Values in Context of Self
Take some time to define ‘core values’ in your own words. Think about them as guiding principles that dictate behavior and help determine what is truly meaningful and important to you. They are deeply held beliefs that form the foundation of your identity and inform your attitudes, actions, and decisions.
Why should you do this?
Defining core values in your own terms is essential in understanding their role in your healing process from narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse often undermines your sense of self and distorts your perception of your own values. Having a clear, personal understanding of what core values are can be a crucial step in rebuilding your identity, enhancing self-awareness, and fostering resilience in the face of past and future challenges.
Step 2: Exploring Examples of Core Values
Research and make a list of common core values such as respect, honesty, integrity, compassion, or autonomy. For each one, write down how it might influence someone’s actions or decisions. For example, someone who values honesty might always tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult.
Why should you do this?
By exploring how different core values can influence actions and decisions, you’re gaining insight into how your own values might be guiding your behavior. Understanding this link is vital when recovering from narcissistic abuse, as it helps you to distinguish your authentic values and behaviors from those that may have been manipulated or suppressed by the abuser. It empowers you to regain control over your actions and decisions and realign them with your true values.
Step 3: Beginning to Identify Your Core Values
Reflect on a few events in your life that brought you genuine happiness, satisfaction, or a sense of pride. What were you doing? Who were you with? Why did these experiences feel so rewarding? Attempt to find the underlying values that these events reflected. At this point, you don’t need to be specific or comprehensive; just start contemplating what matters most to you.
Why should you do this?
Reflecting on your positive experiences and the values they reflect is an initial step towards identifying your personal core values. These values are often deeply tied to your sense of self, fulfillment, and well-being. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, reconnecting with your personal values is an empowering part of healing, helping to restore your identity and guide your decisions and actions moving forward.
Identifying Your Personal Core Values
In this class, we will:
- Work on identifying our personal core values.
- Reflect on how our values might have been compromised or suppressed in past abusive relationships.
- Start documenting these identified values for future reference.
Materials needed: Your notes from Day 1 and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Identifying Your Personal Core Values
After yesterday’s exercise, you should have a list of values that resonate with you. Today, let’s go deeper. Take each value and ask yourself the following questions: Why is this value important to me? How does this value influence my actions, decisions, and relationships when it is upheld?
Why should you do this?
By answering these questions for each of the values, you are identifying and articulating your personal core values. These values are essential aspects of your identity and understanding them will help foster self-awareness and self-esteem, elements often eroded in abusive relationships.
Step 2: Reflect on Past Relationships
Think about your past abusive relationships. Can you recall instances where your core values were compromised or suppressed? Perhaps you value honesty, but you frequently found yourself lying to keep the peace. Maybe you value independence, but you felt controlled and dependent on your abuser. Document these instances alongside the associated core values.
Why should you do this?
Reflecting on past relationships and how your core values were compromised gives you insight into the dynamics of the abusive relationship. It also helps you understand the strategies used by the abuser to control and manipulate you. This understanding is essential for your healing journey as it helps you to recognize and respond to similar situations in the future, protecting your core values.
Step 3: Document Your Identified Values
In a journal or other safe place, make a list of your core values that you identified and the instances from your past relationships where these were compromised. Next to each instance, write down how you felt when your values were suppressed and how it might have influenced your actions and behavior.
Why should you do this?
Documenting your core values and the associated feelings and behaviors when these values were compromised provides you with a reference point that can be instrumental in your healing journey. It will serve as a tool for self-reflection, empowering you to recognize when your values are being respected or compromised, which can guide your actions and decisions in future relationships.
Understanding the Disconnect from Your Core Values
During this class, we will:
- Analyze how narcissistic abuse may have caused a disconnect from our core values.
- Discuss the impacts of this disconnect on our lives and well-being.
- Record our thoughts and reflections in our ongoing notes.
Materials needed: Your notes from the previous sessions and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Analyzing the Disconnect
With the list of core values and instances where they were compromised from Day 2, reflect upon how the narcissistic abuse specifically led to a disconnect from each value. For example, if one of your core values was autonomy, how did the narcissist undermine this value? Perhaps they made decisions for you, belittled your choices, or made you overly dependent on them. Document your analysis in as much detail as possible.
Why should you do this?
This step allows you to understand the tactics used by the narcissist to sever your connection with your core values. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for your recovery as it can help you guard against similar manipulations in the future.
Step 2: Discussing the Impacts
Once you’ve analyzed how the abuse caused a disconnect from your core values, take some time to discuss with yourself the effects of this disconnect. Reflect on how it impacted your self-esteem, your relationships, your mental and emotional health, and your general life satisfaction. Write down your thoughts and feelings.
Why should you do this?
Understanding the real-life implications of the disconnect from your core values helps to quantify the extent of the emotional harm you experienced. This can validate your experiences and feelings, boost your resolve to heal and change, and reinforce the importance of upholding your core values in the future.
Step 3: Recording Your Reflections
Using your journal or notes, record your detailed analysis from step 1 and your reflections on the impacts from step 2. Be sure to include your thoughts and feelings to ensure a comprehensive reflection.
Why should you do this?
Documenting your reflections is an essential part of the healing process as it provides a tangible track of your progress and evolution. It reinforces the insights you’ve gained, promotes self-awareness, and can serve as a guidepost for maintaining your core values in future interactions and relationships.
Realigning Actions with Core Values
Our tasks for this class include:
- Learn how to start realigning our actions and decisions with our core values.
- Discuss the challenges that might arise during this process.
- Update our notes with personal action steps for realignment with each core value.
Materials needed: Your notes from the previous sessions and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Detailed Examination of Current Actions and Decisions
For this first step, divide a sheet of paper (or a page in your journal) into two columns. Label the first column “Core Values” and list your identified core values from previous exercises. Label the second column “Current Actions and Decisions” and, next to each value, list specific actions or decisions you’ve made recently that align or misalign with each value.
Why should you do this?
By systematically evaluating your current behavior in relation to each core value, you can precisely identify where your actions and decisions do not yet align with your values. This helps you understand your behavior patterns and the degree to which they reflect your core values. It’s the first step to realigning your actions and decisions with what matters most to you.
Step 2: Detailed Identification of Challenges to Realignment
In this step, create another two-column chart. In the first column, copy over the core values where you’ve identified discrepancies between the value and your current actions/decisions. In the second column, labeled “Challenges to Realignment,” write down all the potential internal and external obstacles that might make it difficult for you to act more in line with each core value.
Why should you do this?
This step helps you foresee potential roadblocks to your realignment effort. It empowers you to be proactive about these challenges, to make plans to address them, and to understand better the dynamics that might have contributed to the misalignment in the first place.
Step 3: Detailed Development of Personal Action Steps
Create one more two-column chart. Again, copy over the core values where you’ve identified discrepancies. For each value, in the second column, write down at least one concrete, realistic action that you can start implementing to better align your actions and decisions with each core value. Make these actions as specific, measurable, and time-bound as possible.
Why should you do this?
Developing clear, actionable steps transforms your intent to realign your actions and decisions with your core values into a practical plan. It helps make the process of realignment more manageable by breaking it down into small, achievable actions. This approach can boost your confidence and motivation as you begin to see progress.
Click here to visit the S.M.A.R.T Goals page.
Step 4: Detailed Updating of Your Notes
Finally, update your journal or notes with all the detailed information and insights you’ve gained today. You might want to dedicate a new page or section for each core value, so there’s plenty of space for your analysis of current actions and decisions, the challenges you anticipate, and the steps you plan to take. Remember to include your feelings and reflections throughout this process.
Why should you do this?
Recording these details creates a comprehensive reference guide for your journey to realign your actions and decisions with your core values. This record will help you monitor your progress, adjust your plan as needed, and see how far you’ve come over time. It will serve as a tangible reminder of your commitment to live in accordance with your core values, supporting your ongoing healing and growth after narcissistic abuse.
Creating Your Personal Core Values Reconnection Plan
During this class, we’re going to:
- Build our personal core values reconnection plan.
- Reflect on the week and discuss our plans.
- Celebrate the progress we’ve made towards reconnecting with our core values.
Materials needed: Your notes from the previous sessions and your preferred note-taking tool.
Step 1: Create Your Personal Core Values Reconnection Plan
Using all the information, reflections, and insights gathered over the past few days, begin to outline a comprehensive plan for reconnecting with each of your core values. This should be done separately for each value and should include:
- Specific Actions: What specific behaviors or actions will you take to align your life more closely with this value? These should be precise, measurable, and time-bound actions.
- Addressing Challenges: Outline your strategy for dealing with the internal and external challenges you identified in Day 4. How will you approach them? What resources will you use?
- Timeframe and Frequency: When will you start taking these actions? How frequently will you do so?
- Progress Tracking: How will you monitor your progress? Consider a weekly or monthly review of your actions in relation to your core values.
Why should you do this?
An in-depth, concrete plan transforms the concept of ‘living by your core values’ into achievable, practical actions. It empowers you to take control over your healing process, providing a clear roadmap that leads to a life more closely aligned with your values.
Step 2: Detailed Reflection on the Week
Once your plan is outlined, dedicate time to reflect on the entire week’s work. This reflection should include:
- Your feelings and thoughts throughout the week: Did you experience any emotional shifts? Were there any surprises about what you discovered?
- Learning about yourself and your values: What new insights did you gain about your values and their role in your life?
- Evaluation of your plan: How do you feel about the reconnection plan you’ve developed? Does it resonate with you and seem feasible?
- Looking forward: How do you plan to implement these changes in your daily life?
Why should you do this?
Reflection is key to consolidating your insights and recognizing the progress you’ve made. It helps you understand your emotions and thought processes, learn from them, and prepare for the journey ahead. It also allows you to adjust your plan, making it as effective and personally resonant as possible.
Step 3: Celebrate Your Progress in Detail
In recognizing your hard work and dedication, choose a specific way to celebrate your progress. This could involve:
- Personal Treats: You might want to buy yourself something you’ve been wanting or indulge in a favorite meal.
- Self-Reflection and Affirmation: Write a letter to yourself, highlighting your achievements and expressing pride in your progress.
- Quality Time: Spend some time doing something you love. This could be a favorite hobby, watching a movie, reading a book, or just relaxing.
- Physical Symbol: You might want to create or buy something that symbolizes your progress, like a piece of jewelry or a small token, which you can keep as a constant reminder of your journey.
Why should you do this?
Celebrating your progress reinforces the positive steps you’ve taken and boosts your motivation to continue. It’s a form of self-care and self-compassion, reminding you that you’re worthy of acknowledgment and celebration.